All Second-Best Sailor wants is to sail his boat and trade with the wandering Neanderthals. But when the reefwives discover that a Cosmic Unity mission fleet is heading for his homeworld, his comfortable lifestyle vanishes in an instant. All Servant-of-Unity XIV Samuel wants is to help spread Cosmic Unity's message of harmony to a grateful galaxy. But the ecclesiarchs decide that Samuel is destined for greater things. Flung together by fate, the two men find themselves on opposite sides of a battle for the hearts and minds of every sentient creature in the galaxy. Together, they uncover Cosmic Unity's deepest secret, and come up with a kamikaze plan to fight off the invaders. But along the way, they will need help from the unlikeliest of allies.