Cthulhu Grants his wisdom & Advice to All!

The second collection of the dark, twisted, and funny Dear Chtulhu columns where everyone's favorite monster proves he truly does give good advice for bad people!

Dear Cthulhu,

I have a job and a boss that I hate. The slime bag treated me like crap, so I took my revenge by peeing in his coffee pot every morning. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it ended up backfiring on me. It turns out he loved my "special blend" and couldn't get enough of it. He told the entire office and they loved it too. I'm not really sure why, but I am diabetic which is supposed to make the urine sweet. That or they were all just used to really horrible coffee. Without telling me, my idiot boss entered my brew in a contest that Spacebucks Coffeehouse was running to find the best new coffee. I won and they offered me a ton of money to manage one of their biggest shops and make my special blend for the customers. I'm torn. I could use the money and it would be a huge relief to get out of this office. What should I do?

-A Real Pisser In Pittsburgh

Dear Pisser,

Take the job, but insist on your own private office